Dear Annie: After an 18-year affair, the woman wants to be ‘just friends’ with a married man
Dear readers, seeing that Valentine’s Day is fast approaching and we could all use a dose of positivity; I want to hear from you: what do you like most about your partner and why? Email [email protected] with your responses. I’ll be printing some of my favorite letters in the coming weeks, so stay tuned.
Dear Annie: I have seen the same man for 18 years. I say “see” because he is married. “Patrick” and I have been playing together for a long time. Several times over the years I have told him that he should really think about what he has been doing since he was married. Her response alternates between “she and I are almost done” – clearly a lie – and “I don’t know how I can love two women at once, but I want to.” I tell him he can’t.
We’ve known each other for so long now that he’s one of my best friends. I want to end our romantic relationship, but I would like to keep him as a friend. He says he won’t have it that way. He keeps calling and coming. How do we make him see that we can have a friendship and nothing more? – No more messing around
Dear NMMA: Even if you’ve somehow managed to stop being intimate – a big if – an ongoing relationship isn’t a good idea. You would simply go from a physical matter to an emotional one. Show yourself the love and respect that this man could never have for you and stop seeing him. There is someone for whom you will be more than adequate.
Dear Annie: “It’s been a year” wrote to you about her partner’s erectile dysfunction. My husband was also having issues and I wanted to make an appointment with a urologist, sure he would find a problem and fix it. We never had this meeting. One day, thinking he was having a stroke, a visit to a family doctor sent us to the hospital for a cat scan. It turns out he had a brain tumor and died 10 months later. Do not ignore this problem. There can be a number of reasons and some are more critical than others! – He still misses him
Dear still missing: I’m sorry for your loss. I print your letter in the hope that your message reaches all who need to hear it.
Dear Annie: For the woman whose family dinners are spoiled by the misbehaved children of her brother-in-law: I am in my 90s and I have never lost interest in children and have found that bad behavior is just a need for attention. Have you ever tried to engage even one of them in a conversation? It doesn’t require much. Consider a brief comment such as, “I love your blue outfit! Is blue your favorite color? That’s a neat Seahawks shirt! Is this your favorite team? The questions about school are good too, or what they like to do for fun.
Parents may think discipline would be more disruptive to everyone than bad behavior, or they might become the less favored parent. (Although that’s a whole different topic.)
Either way, give it a try. It may not work the first time around, but you know the old saying: “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again!” – A grand-Gramma
Dear Grand-Gramma: I love the way this solution leads with empathy. Thank you for making the world a nicer place.
Send your questions to Annie Lane at [email protected].
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