Ask Amy: After an affair with a married client, how can a personal trainer get his job back?
Dear Amy: I am a personal trainer in my early twenties. I have been in a relationship with a woman (almost 40 years old) for a few months, two or three times a week. Her husband found out about us. Yesterday he called the gym where I work and also called my mom and told her I was sleeping with his wife. My mother is furious. Then he picked me up from the gym.
I told him to calm down, but he hit me and we got into a fight. I cold knocked him out. He stayed cold for about five minutes on the floor.
The gym manager fired me for fighting. I think the manager was wrong to do this because I was just defending myself.
Now I am wondering how to get my job back. I spoke to my girlfriend and she told me her husband was home in bed with a few broken ribs and a headache. He couldn’t go to work today.
How can I get my job back?
– Well trained
Dear Coach: “My mom is pissed off” is a sign that you are not mature enough to shoulder the burden of being a real badass. I hope you are wise.
I think you are very lucky that you weren’t arrested for assault. Your manager was right to fire you. Your behavior puts this business (and other customers) at great risk.
I wouldn’t want to go to a gym where a trainer would regularly hook up with a married boss and then beat that person’s husband to unconsciousness – right there in the gym. You obviously take no responsibility for your own actions and how they contributed to the outcome.
Dear Amy: I always assumed my barber for many years and didn’t see most of the political issues, but we kept talking about personal life and movies and TV shows.
She’s a really nice person and I’m sure she’s nice to everyone.
Then on social media, she attacked a politician who I really admire.
I can’t come back to him like nothing has happened. I can’t go back at all.
Should I be the ghost, or should I tell her I’m changing stylists, and why? I don’t really want her to feel bad because she’s not a bad person. We just disagree.
– Switch to gray
Dear Going Gray: You seem to like this hairdresser a lot. You recognize that she is a good person and that she is kind to everyone. I guess she does her job well.
You say she “attacked” this politician on social media, but you don’t mention any other details about this attack. Did she use foul language? Was this attack personal, false, or deliberately offensive? Did you respond to his post, expressing your own point of view and urging him to reconsider his?
What you seem to be saying is that you cannot patronize the affairs of someone who openly opposes the politician you love.
You have the right to sponsor any business you wish. You don’t need to explain your departure, unless she contacts you for a follow-up appointment and asks you why you aren’t continuing your business with her.
If you decide to explain yourself, you could say, “I’m so sensitive that I just can’t tolerate the fact that you don’t like my favorite politician and have expressed your point of view, publicly. My scalp. and my follicles just won’t take it, so I decided to take my business elsewhere.
Dear Amy: After ending a long and unhappy marriage, I met the love of my life. We spent the first four years enjoying the freedom of two empty nesters with a comfortable income and few obligations outside of work. However, we shared the feeling of losing that we are beyond the childbearing years and will never raise a child together. It was then that the idea of fostering a teenager came to us.
Amy, it has been an amazing experience! We can share our home, wisdom, and resources with our adopted son while experiencing the joys and challenges of raising children together.
He turns into a wonderful young man before our eyes.
Please encourage others to consider this choice. The rewards are immeasurable.
– Proud mom
Dear proud: Your letter makes my day. I hope your generosity will inspire readers to consider becoming foster parents.
The National Foster Parents Association has a very useful list of requirements and resources for prospective foster parents. Check nfpaonline.org/foster.